Am I an Artist?

I was a photographer, capturing art,
But recently I’m struggling, struggling to start.
I find it difficult to focus, to know what to do,
I’m so torn up inside, which part of me is true?

Am I “just” a photographer? Someone who clicks,
Or am I more, an artist, creating for kicks?
I want to be the latter, but it feels like a lie,
I can’t paint, I can’t draw, but I do try.

Although I can’t sketch, with pencil or pen,
I can take a photograph, every now and then.
I say I “can’t” when really, I can,
What I mean is I try, should I start the ban?

The ban on negativity, worry and doubt,
Since finishing my masters, I’ve been in a drought.
My pool of inspiration has been running dry,
Is it inspiration or motivation? Both used to run high.

This internal struggle, it really gets me down,
I feel like a fraud, nothing more than a clown.
I put on this mask, of creativity and art,
Yet I make very little, it’s a burden on my heart.

It’s been months since I created, practiced or made,
Well, that’s not quite true, I’ve just changed my trade.
I’ve started with words, crochet and books,
I’ve made two blankets, and a poem about looks.

Why isn’t this enough, why do I need more?
Art is about fun and passion; it shouldn’t be a chore.
Unfortunately, sometimes, it feels exactly like that,
I go up into my studio, but something falls flat.

I sit at that table, surrounded by stuff,
I want to start making, but I’m finding it tough.
Tough to get going, I’ve lost the ability to start,
I want to create, but, what even is art?

Why do I judge myself on what I can make?
Whether it’s pen to paper, or a poorly baked cake.
Making is making, creativity is key,
I’m surrounded by creatives, but it’s not enough for me.

I must focus and prioritise, what is it I need?
I fear others judgment, I want to be freed,
From others expectations, my own self-doubt.
I want to start growing, trying things out.

Nothing has to be perfect, finished or complete,
It’s better to have started, it doesn’t have to be neat.
Now’s the time to make, create and have fun,
There’s no external pressure, now let’s get some art done!

Poem written by me, Charlie Parker, 18th Feb, 2022

2 thoughts on “Am I an Artist?

  1. Mary Teal says:

    Hi Charlie, that poem is beautiful but sad. Sad to know that is how you are feeling. Perhaps lockdown has stopped you getting inspiration, or maybe it is because so many new things have been going on……new job, house,etc. I am sure your creativity will return. Love from me..

    Like

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